Nauseous with exhaustion, I did too much today.
I do this sometimes,
Every bloody day.
Will I ever learn?
Of course not.
Who’d want to?
In a possibly heterosexual way.
Yes, I’m dreaming.
He’s certainly gay, or bisexual, like the others.
But, for now, I’ll dream he’s straight.
I’m waiting to hear the thunder of realisation
When it dawns
That he created the distance between us
Long before I moved away.
Only two years ago
I loved that feeling
Of having pushed beyond my limits
Pulse racing, sweat dripping, determined.
Now, it just makes me feel sick.
A chaotic force
Smashed my Saturday eggs into the corners of the fridge
Threw syrup into the coffee grinder
Hurled a glass onto the kitchen tiles.
No angst today,
No filling each others’ heads with cutting reprimands,
As we fight for the steering wheel.
Yes, today was a good day.
Laughter that echoes.
Water you don’t foot a bill for.
Bare feet, matted hair.
People that say – come join us.
The life of a coastal gypsy.
Everything was stolen last night.
Voices said – be more careful.
But it’s only stuff, I dreamt,
I’ll take care of my daughter, when she comes.
Listen, muse, research, write
Develop words with punch.
Share with others, and,
Observe the bloody massacre.
Collect severed limbs and organs.
Try like hell to resuscitate.
Unfamiliar panic found her this afternoon.
She took a walk
To slow her heartbeat
Stop the tingling
Cool her sweaty palms.
She breathed some, and laughed.
From the moment I woke, I wanted to sleep.
After two coffees, I played at closing my eyes.
But I battled through, it was Monday.
As water edged up skin,
Face landed on the ocean,
Arms found their stroke,
Mind settled on breath,
A shivering heartbeat was distracted, and I swam.
My flat battery makes a feeble effort to engage, pathetic in its stuttering.
I try a downhill start, it doesn’t last.
Help me find a jumplead.
Skin loosely hanging off wiry triceps,
Sporadic, unreasonable moments of intolerance
Veins you needs a four wheel drive to navigate.
There’s no denying my age.